Louise Bremner wrote:
> <declan_murphy@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>Louise Bremner wrote:
>>
>>>I don't know much about funerals, so I need some help here....
>>>
>>>The "o-tsuya" is a wake, isn't it? Not the formal funeral that's on the
>>>next day? Are participants still expected to dress in black (with
>>>pearls) and donate in one of those special envelopes? (Do I even have
>>>enough black items of clothing?)
>>
>>Wear black and get the envelope. I don't know about the pearls, and I
>>had to borrow the tie. 
> 
> I think I've got a black skirt and shirt somewhere, but I'll have to buy
> black tights and polish my shoes.... (My usual trousers wouldn't be
> appropriate, I suppose?) I do have pearls, but they might be a bit too
> frivolous.

I asked the Official Keeper of Japanese Customs at our house.  She 
called her mother.  Her family is Edokko and all of the answers are for 
Kanto.  If we're playing by some other prefecture's rules, then take the 
advice with a grain of salt.

They say that unless you _want_ to wear tights, black is not necessary. 
  The most traditional thing to do is to not wear tights or stockings at 
all, but that's, like, so Fifties.  They also said that black slacks are 
perfectly all right if they're formal-looking enough (is there such a 
thing as a "pants dress"?) and, preferably, are part of a black suit. 
Black jeans or trousers -- no.

>>The otsuya isn't the funeral, but it is very
>>formal.
>>
>>Only shock I had was when I was asked to go up and pay my respects. I
>>was expecting to be bowing to the photograph of the deceased that was
>>placed on the altar, not bowing over the open coffin containing the
>>actual corpse.
>>
>>>The first relevant page that comes up on Google is from Debito's site,
>>>so I'm not sure how much to accept from that.
>>>
>>>Would I go to the funeral too, or is it either/or?
>>
>>Both usually. Is there no one at the o-tsuya you can ask regarding the
>>protocol???
> 
> The person who rang to tell me about it said she couldn't go to the
> funeral, so I was wondering. There'll be others there to ask, though.

Again resident expert -- you only need to attend one.  Since you were 
not an immediate friend of the deceased, your appearance is more to show 
respect to the living and one of the two is enough.  And don't forget to 
bring salt to throw over your shoulders before you re-enter your house.

> Um.... Envelope at both? And how much? (She's the mother of someone who
> taught me for a while--the lessons were in her house.)

In Kanto, if you're not a direct relative or close friend of the 
deceased, Yen 5,000.  My mother-in-law said you can actually contribute 
too much, which is considered bad as it puts too much pressure on the 
family to thank you in some equal way.

CL