Louise Bremner wrote:
> <declan_murphy@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Louise Bremner wrote:
> > > I don't know much about funerals, so I need some help here....
> > >
> > > The "o-tsuya" is a wake, isn't it? Not the formal funeral that's on the
> > > next day? Are participants still expected to dress in black (with
> > > pearls) and donate in one of those special envelopes? (Do I even have
> > > enough black items of clothing?)
> >
> > Wear black and get the envelope. I don't know about the pearls, and I
> > had to borrow the tie.
>
> I think I've got a black skirt and shirt somewhere, but I'll have to buy
> black tights and polish my shoes.... (My usual trousers wouldn't be
> appropriate, I suppose?) I do have pearls, but they might be a bit too
> frivolous.

Trousers wouldn't be appropriate. You could probably borrow the pearls,
but no one is going to be surprised if you go without them.

> > The otsuya isn't the funeral, but it is very
> > formal.
> >
> > Only shock I had was when I was asked to go up and pay my respects. I
> > was expecting to be bowing to the photograph of the deceased that was
> > placed on the altar, not bowing over the open coffin containing the
> > actual corpse.
> >
> > > The first relevant page that comes up on Google is from Debito's site,
> > > so I'm not sure how much to accept from that.
> > >
> > > Would I go to the funeral too, or is it either/or?
> >
> > Both usually. Is there no one at the o-tsuya you can ask regarding the
> > protocol???
>
> The person who rang to tell me about it said she couldn't go to the
> funeral, so I was wondering. There'll be others there to ask, though.
>
> Um.... Envelope at both? And how much? (She's the mother of someone who
> taught me for a while--the lessons were in her house.)

Envelope is for the funeral, 10000 yen should be OK given that you
aren't family. If you aren't able to attend the funeral then the
envelope is usually best given at the o-tsuya.