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____________________________________________________________


 Subject: Winders Advisery! 



 Just in case you gets a bad copy here is the "rest
of the story".  It has come to our attention that a few
copies of WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN  EDITION may have accidentally
been shipped outside the South. If you have  one of these,
you may need some help understanding the commands. The
 Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening
screen. It reads:  WINDERS 98, with a background picture
of General Robert E. Lee superimposed  on a Confederate
flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazard screen saver.
 Please also note:  The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
 My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption" Dial up
Networking is  called "Good Ol' Boys" Control Panel is
known as "The Dashboard"  Hard Drive is referred to as
"4 Wheel Drive" Floppies are "them little  ol plastic disc
thangs" Instead of an error message a "roll of duct  tape"
pops up  CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION: OK
. . . . . . .ats aw-right  Cancel . . . . .stopdat  Reset
. . . . . try er agin  Yes . . . . . . yep  No . . . .
. . .noop  Find . . . . . .hunt fer it  Go to. . . . .
.over yonder  Back . . . . . .back yonder  Help . . . .
. .hep me out here  Stop . . . . . .kwitit  Start . . .
. . crank er up  Settings . . . settins  Programs . . .
stuff dat duz stuff  Documents . . . stuff ah done did
 Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital
letters or  punctuation marks.  Some programs that are
exclusive to Winders 98:  Tiperiter . . . . .a word processing
program  Colerin book . . . a graphics program  Cyferin
mersheen . calculator  Outhouse paper . . notepad  Iner-net
. . . . . Microsoft Explorer 4.0  Pichers . . . . . .a
graphics viewer  Dern lil varmit . .a mouse  We regret
any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a
copy of  the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft
for a replacement  version. I hope this heps all y'all!
 Billy Bob Gates  Head Honcho