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A man was in bad shape 

A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped
for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't
give him long to live. He decided to live it
up. 

Withdrawing all of his money from the bank,
he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was
at the most expensive haberdashery in the city.
He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a
size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks
bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen." 

The man said, "I know my size. I want them
in a fourteen." 

The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but
I want to warn you...if you wear a fourteen you'll
gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."