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If Men Ruled the World 

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would
automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be
deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name
again?" cards. 

If your girlfriend really needed to talk to
you during the game, she'd appear in a little
box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack
to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em
next time" would pretty much do it. 

Birth control would come in ale or lager. 

You'd be expected to fill your resume with
gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood
J'Blowme." 

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the
fortunes of the NFL team of your choice. 

The funniest guy in the office would get to
be CEO. 

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last
night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would
blow and you'd jump out your window and slide
down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
your car like Fred Flintstone. 

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather
30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage
a nearby town. 

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches
for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent. 

Garbage would take itself out. 

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."