Jason Cormier wrote:
> After four years away, I have fallen behind in my Japanese pop culture
> and in my language ability. Some assistance would be greatly
> appreciated with the following questions:
> 
> How does one say in Japanese, "Listen you old hag, you've been feeling
> up my belly and shoulders, yelling "Wow!" for over a minute. Please
> stop before I break you into enough pieces to feed the school of fish
> below the restaurant. And while we're at it, bring me a sammich
> dammit!"
> 

ore ga sawaritai nara chinchin no hou ga ii desu yo.