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____________________________________________________________
 WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN 

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or
alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you
know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed
in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher
exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained
the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move. 

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What? "I'm
thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes
later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!"
If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five
minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring
a drink of water?" 

 An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How
do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought
it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out
and in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!' 

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was
about to turn off the light when he asked with
a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep
with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave
him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence
was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy." 

When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room when
I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied,
"Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing
in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?" 

A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son
of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son
of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what
he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework,
Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you
to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch
is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing,
she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus
two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four. 



One day the first grade teacher was reading
the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Oh
Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable
to teach for the next 10 minutes.