GLIMPSES OF A MYSTERY

Preface

How is it possible for a small lily flower to contain an ocean? Does it not sound absurd? Like sheer madness? Yet it is true that the desire of our individual ego is to be the master of everything. This is its dharma. The limitless thirst of our doer "I" wants all. Similarly, how can a drop of water fathom an ocean? The drop need not fear that it will lose itself upon merger with the ocean; the drop becomes the ocean.

Once Paramahamsa Ramakrishna[1] asked his disciple Narendra, "If you are a bee and Saccidananda (the ocean of infinite bliss) is a pot full of honey placed in front of you, what would you do?"

Narendra, who was always considered brilliant, replied, "I would carefully sit at the edge and slowly sip it."

The Master laughed merrily and said, "You fool - you won't drown by jumping into it; rather it will make you immortal!"

A brother of mine, Ac. Rameshvarananda Avt., thought that I would be fit to write a chapter of the book he was preparing on Shrii P. R. Sarkar. He asked me to write about the mystical aspect of Baba. This book is an expansion and development of that original article.

It is impossible to write about Him unless one becomes Him. Yet I ventured to try only because of my human anxiety to share my feelings with others. Once Baba said, "Every human has this wont: to share his or her knowledge." I did not make this attempt to gather kudos from readers. Rather I want to share a few experiences and a little knowledge which my Master generously bestowed upon me.

I feel that all of us close to Him suffer a sharp pain because of our inability to communicate the compassionate love we received from Him to our near and dear ones. This pain is felt by those whom He chose to be close to Him. He is beyond the factors of time, place and person. His love is so pure and blemish less, that it is completely above all earthly cares and comforts. That love of pure consciousness, though somewhat akin to worldly love, is much more subtle, wonderful and infinite.

All thinking persons who were in His divine embrace feel that writing truthfully what they felt must invite sharp criticisms. Some may claim that what we write is all lies. Others will not believe what we write. Some people may even think that the writer is exaggerating in the hope of becoming famous. Most fear that they will be called mad by the intelligentsia if they write in a forthright way all that they encountered and felt. Because of these fears, most devotees desist from writing.

Whatever the result, I want to truthfully narrate a fraction of what I understood and realized. When the rush of ideas takes place, I become irrelevant. My only hope is that some spiritually thirsty seeker might find these writings to be like a glass of cool water in the desert of the material world. If so, I will deem my attempt successful.

Personally, I feel that my life only began when, by His grace, I met Baba in May 1965. From then until His great departure on October 21, 1990, I ran a marathon race trying to be physically close to Him. I felt as the Upanishads say,

Durat sudure tadantike ca.
He is farther than far,
And He is so near as to be in your "I" feeling.

Sometimes I felt that this Entity, illumination personified, was several light years away from me and that I was wasting my life pursuing this impossible task. I felt tired and like a lost traveller waiting for divine dispensation.

But there were many more occasions when I felt that no one could be closer to Baba than I; it was impossible even to think otherwise. A few times I even found Him within me.

In this book I have capitalized all references to Baba to show my deep respect for my Master. The translations of Baba's Prabhat Sam'giita songs are not official.

I must tender my sincere thanks to  sister, Avtk. Ananda Gaorii Ac., for editing the draft, and to Ac. Saoreshvarananda Avt. who typed it. I also thank Ramakrsna of Australia for the photograph that adorns the front cover of the printed book. I greatly value the assistance of Jayanta Kumar and Ac. Giridevananda Avt. who helped with the proofreading. I also tender my sincere thanks to Ac. Maheshvarananda Avt. who encouraged me by taking the first and last dictations from me. Without his labour and assistance I could not have finished this book.

I want to repeat what a great devotee once said about His inadequacy in spreading the message of his Guru: "Whatever good I have said is His; whatever wrong I have said is mine." In the same way I apologize to the readers for any mistakes caused due to my excessive anxiety to share these experiences.

Acarya Bhaskarananda Avadhuta

 



My Early Astonishments
We affectionately call the founder of Ananda Marga as Baba, which means "most affectionate". He is Shrii Shrii Anandamurtiji, spiritual Master for millions. The physical form through which He expressed Himself was known as Shrii Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar, who was born in Jamalpur, India in 1921.

Sannyasiis (renunciates) greatly attracted me when I was young. I used to feel then that something was incomplete inside me. I desired a spiritual master from the age of ten, and each year after that my longing increased. I spent my leisure time studying philosophy and the lives of saints and mystics of different cultures and disciplines, yet no books satisfied me. I deeply yearned for direct perception and experience of the Supreme Consciousness.

I received initiation through  Acarya  Pranavananda Avadhuta of Ananda Marga at a time when I was most tormented by the search for a master. I expressly wanted the greatest guru, and I was not willing to accept anyone else. 

When I met Baba, I felt as though I had known Him before. I felt like a lost child finding his father.

He was of  short height of five feet and two inches, with broad chest, muscular hands and legs, and superb athletic strength. I have never seen more beautifully shaped fingers and hands. His skin was alabastrine. The peach flower is initially a heavenly pink before turning white, yet even this colour cannot accurately describe the soft celestial glow of His palms and face.

He always remained meticulously clean. He dressed soberly in His traditional dhoti and kurta everyday, even on tours abroad.

His bewitching smile was at once affectionate and mischievous. Just a glance from Him was sufficient to arouse one's sleeping divinity. He had complete mastery over all His expressions.

A few days after first meeting Him my initial confidence evaporated, and I started wondering whether He was hypnotizing me. For nearly six months, I remained skeptical. Yet each day that I was with Him, He astonished me with His apparently unending knowledge. His profound ideas filled my mind. To every question I asked, Baba gave beautiful answers that baffled me for hours. When I reminisce about Him, again He baffles me!

Once I asked about the meaning of mudras.[2] He replied, "They are the physical expression of mental feelings." I pondered this beautiful reply for hours. Another time I commented that a certain person was "carefully careless". Baba immediately quipped back, "Is he carelessly careful, too?"

His personality was so charming and sweet that we used to feel  that our burdens and responsibilities dissolved in an ocean of peace and tranquillity. He made us feel safe and secure, and when He smiled, we felt like children who love to laugh and play without any reason. In those days it was a common sight to see devotees heavily intoxicated with the "wine" of spiritual love.

I had the opportunity to watch Baba closely for nearly 28 years. I never observed any distasteful expression. He was the epitome of humility. He gave more than 40 social norms to be followed, but He Himself always did more than He asked of others.

He had a very modest way of conversing, yet He also made us laugh by acting out charming dramas. In this way He illustrated political and social problems, then gave their solutions.

He brought out in us the most profound feelings and emotions with His different moods. In His reporting sessions[3], He would make everyone roar with hearty laughter, cry tears of happiness or parting sorrow. He sometimes delivered brilliant discourses, then displayed a mystic aura when He cured someone of a terminal illness. Occasionally He burst into moods of feigned anger. Then I felt especially blessed and remembered the words of a mystic song:

Kitni sheeri hei tere lab ke rakiib! galian kha ke be maza na hua.
How sweet is thy tongue, O my beloved, That even after abuse I don't feel unhappy.

Hey rudro, hey priyatamo tumar shashan piiyush shamo (Prabhat Samgiita)
Oh Rudra (the entity who moves you to tears), Your disciplining is like nectar.

His half-closed eyes, always hidden under thick framed glasses, seemed to betray His stance in the plane of relative consciousness, with one foot standing in the created Universe, and the other standing simultaneously in the formless state of pure Consciousness. I was very curious to watch His eyes. I had read that the eyes of some realized saints were also usually half-closed.

During my early twenties I used to do many silly things when I was alone with Him. Once I removed His glasses and forced His eyes open with my fingers. Two blue sapphires, as deep and unfathomable as two oceans, gazed back at me. I wanted to contain them but was helpless. I still feel helpless like a baby in its mother's arms when I recollect that sight.

A few times I observed a ray of golden light, like a small torch light, emanating from His eyes when He surveyed the body of a disciple who had some ailment. He would heal them by a touch or a look or with some caning, but only after taking an assurance that they would henceforth work for the good of humanity.

A spiritual brother of mine, Kishan Kumar (who is now an advocate in Jammu), told me a story that illustrates Baba's perfect control over facial expressions. Kishan was massaging Baba when He inquired if Kishan had eaten. Kishan replied that he had, which was a lie because he did not want to leave. With a unique combination of smile and anger, Baba instructed him to go and take food. Kishan said to me that even after thirty years he can never forget how Baba perfectly combined an angry face with such an affectionate and loving smile. I read in a scientific article that it takes 17 muscles of the face to look angry but just a few to express happiness. Baba did both simultaneously!

He walked majestically, like the king of kings. His presence inspired various feelings among the .assembled people, but most of all we felt a reverential awe. When He paused during His walks, with walking stick in hand, to explain a particular point, His voice was musical yet distinctly manly.

Even while feigning anger, He remained perfectly composed and always expressed karuna bha'va (compassionate tenderness) for suffering humanity. His inner attitude was that of a loving father towards His universal progeny. The outward nonchalant expressions were a facade, like a coconut shell full of sweet water. Only those who knew Him well appreciated this. So when rebuked, they would feel internally happy and tried hard to suppress their laughter in keeping with the drama He was staging, for He never liked that the seriousness of the situation should evaporate.

Many of the public "exposes" of Baba and Ananda Marga, made by those who did not understand Him or were inimical to His ideology, centred around the assumption that His devotees believed Him to be God. It is certainly true that the relationship between Gum and disciple is of paramount importance in Tantra, which is not the case in other disciplines.

Bulleshaw, a well known Sufi saint from Punjab, clearly expresses this Tantric ideal[4]:

Rab miliya tu na miliya.
Rab terei varga nai. [Punjabi]
Oh Preceptor, I found God, but I did not find You.
God is not as perfect as You.

The mystical Tantric poet Kabir wrote:

Guru Gobind dou khade
Kake lage pamv
Balihari Guru apno jin Gobind diyo batai. [Bhojpuri]
If Guru and Govinda [the Supreme Consciousness] appear simultaneously, you have to pay your obeisance to Guru only, because the Guru made you realize Govinda.

A very famous mystic, Charandas, said, in a long poem: Let me forget Hari [the Supreme Consciousness], but not the Guru. Hari put me in bondage, but Guru alone liberated me from it.

From my first days in Ananda Marga I heard many stories from Margiis which attributed Baba with super-human qualities. I became very curious about this. Finally I told Him, "Baba, some people say that you are God, but I don't believe it." Baba replied, "I have never said that I am God. My philosophy does not accept the avatar theory of God incarnation[5]."

Now, while writing this many years later, I appreciate the difficulty Baba must have felt in answering my child-like question. If He was in fact Parama Purus 'a (the Supreme Consciousness) and said so, I would certainly have asked for some stupid proof This universe was created systematically, with certain laws for every expression to follow. He usually never broke them, even though He was capable of it. From experience I found later that even God-realized souls, though they possess these faculties, never interfere with the cosmological order. For example, if I had asked Him to change day into night and He agreed, such an action might have caused the total destruction of our solar system.

Each small incident in an individual's life is intermeshed with the functioning of the entire universe. To change one small aspect requires adjusting everything else to maintain cosmological equipoise.

Though He had no sam'skaras (reactions to past actions stored in potential form), except His Mahasamkalpa (great determination) for the betterment of society, He would take on the bad sam 'skaras of His disciples and undergo their requitals. When performing some demonstration or responding to a plea for intervention, Baba would Himself take on the sam'skaras of the individuals concerned and suffer in their place. This is the reason why Baba's most sentient body was afflicted with certain ailments throughout His life. He suffered the sam 'skaras of His devotees.

For example, an old Acarya suffering from piles once mentally offered his ailment to Baba after his meditation in Guru Puja ("Offering to the Guru") - from that time on Baba suffered from piles. Whenever He altered the cosmological order to please His devotees, He Himself suffered the consequences of the imbalance He brought about.

On another occasion in Ranchi, in January 1968, a boy came with a stomach ulcer. Baba touched Acarya Dasarath on the head who was then able to "see" that the boy's stomach had been turned blue and black by a severe ulcer. Baba touched the end of His stick to the boy's stomach and cured him, explaining, "I have changed this disease into magnetic and electrical waves. There will be great changes in the whole universe as a consequence."

In a similar vein Baba commented, "Every incident in an individual's life is significant. Suppose an ant is moving on a rock from east to west. If the direction is changed contradictory to Parama Purus'a, then that small change can affect the entire balance of the universe. An 80 year old widow should not say that her life is useless, because everything is the will of Parama Purus'a. No one is insignificant, not even a blade of grass."

If, to my child-like questions of long ago, He had answered "No, I am not Parama Purus 'a", then it would have been a lie.

On frequent occasions Baba commented that all religions will have to meet on a common ground. "All religions have a common aim, but the preachers agree to disagree. This happens only when they forget the common aim of God realization. They fight each other because they are not bothered about the goal and don't strive hard to attain it. Ananda Marga is ever ready to help all when they find difficulty on the path."

Once I said, "Baba, it is said that the paths are different but the goal is one."

Baba replied, "No, the goal is one and the path is one - that is a physico-psycho-spiritual approach. Convert physical energy into psychic energy and psychic energy into spiritual energy by sadhana, service and sacrifice."

He inspired us all to practice meditation. The milk of human kindness will flow only through this process of expansion or sadhana (meditation, literally "sustained effort"), and in this way, one day all religions will meet on a common ground. The sword of religious wars cannot change human hearts.

As long as the universe exists, variety will also exist. Variety lends beauty to the creation, as each coloured flower adds to the beauty of a garden. To try to convert all the people of the world to one religion is a mad idea. But to encourage everyone to be a universal human being, and then a spiritual human being, is a noble idea. The wise understand that the apparent diversity will gradually change into a fundamental unity.

He propounded one significant and revolutionary spiritual concept which has corrected the main defect in the philosophy of the Sanataniis. Even today, they argue that jagat (the created universe) is false. The most irrational part of this belief is that the arguments they use arise out of the same false world or maya which they reject. They can bring no example from truth. Baba obliterated this blunder by giving the status of relative truth to our experience of the objective world. While Baba accepted the superiority of non-dualistic theory or advaetavada, He also accepted the relative existence of jagat.

Brahma satyam jagadapisatyam apekshikam.(Ananda Sutram )

One day I mentioned to Baba a story I had learned about Him as a child. He asked me, "And where did you hear this story, my son?"

"Baba, I came across it in an issue of Bodhi Kalpa (an Ananda Marga magazine)."

"Oh!", Baba quipped. "I never read any literature."

This created a big question mark in my mind, because I had always thought that Baba was a very well read person. So I watched Him as much as possible; I also asked others who had the opportunity to observe Him, until finally I was convinced that He really never did read any book, magazine or newspaper. He never studied beyond intermediate college. The fact is, He was truly omniscient!

In those days, due to my knowledge of philosophy, especially the Indian system of six theistic philosophies, I was burdened by a very swollen ego. There were always many bright students around Him. So once, when I was alone with Baba, I asked Him, "Why do these brilliant students run after You? If there is something in You, lease tell me about it. Who are You?"

He told me: "I have come as a mystery, I will remain as a mystery, and I will leave as a mystery. To know my nature you have to do sadhana."

Then I begged Him to bless me so that I could do s