U G L Why?
Another in a series of fashion updates.
These last few days I've noticed several young women wearing calf-high
sheer black stockings. They (naturally) have a solid band of black
around the top where the elastic is. If they were white, they would
bear a very strong resemblance to the support stockings favored by the
geriatric set. These things are so fuggin' ugly that not even 90 year
old Pentecostal great-grannies in the deepest recesses of Appalachia
would be seen dead in them. You Gee Ell Why, they ain't got no alibi,
they're UGLY.
I first noticed them on a woman riding a bicycle. I first thought she
was in her late 20s. Then I noticed her butt-ugly stockings and
figured that no woman under 60 would wear them, even under threat of
physical violence. So I figured she must be a very well-preserved
grandmother. But when she got closer I determined that she most likely
was actually in her late 20s. I have since noticed them on several
other women, all of whom I would guess to be in their 20s. And they
looked just as goddamned ugly on every last one of them.
--
Michael Cash
"There was a time, Mr. Cash, when I believed you must be the most useless
thing in the world. But that was before I read a Microsoft help file."
Prof. Ernest T. Bass
Mount Pilot College
http://www.sunfield.ne.jp/~mike/
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