Marc wrote:

> So what happened after you said it was time to move back to Turkey? Did your
> wife just not want to go?
>
> I actually had the opposite problem, I was content to stay in Japan and my
> Japanese wife could not wait to go back to the USA, in particular, New York
> City. So I eventually decided to return to the US, and I get a good job, but
> it is in Boston, not New York. After I move back to the US my wife goes to
> New York and finds a job and we have a commuter marriage for about 5 years.
> But after a while it all is too much hassle and the trips become more
> infrequent. At this point I am not sure if I am married or not.

You're married. You're just married like a wife with a husband who is tanshin
funin at irregular or indeterminate periods.

> So I would have been just as well off if I had stayed in Japan. My wife
> could have moved back to the US and lived in New York and had the same life
> she is having now.
>
> But it is different for me since no children are involved. You give as part
> of your reason for wanting to leave Japan is that you thought the education
> system was too stifling. But leaving Japan didn't solve that, since your
> children are still in the Japanese school system.
>
> How about arranging for the children to come spend extended vacations in
> Turkey? I had a Japanese friend in the US who sent his kids back to Japan
> each summer where they were doted on by various grandparents, etc. They
> looked forward to the trips and acquired a real connection with Japan. On
> the other hand, I suppose it is not the same if they don't have a reason
> everyday to understand Turkish, etc.

I realized just this year that long and or regular vacations during school
"breaks" will in fact, interfere with my children's' studies or school
activities such as sports club, when they become old enough for school, and if
my wife and kids are concerned about keeping up with the others. Personally, I
am not. But if my wife or children are against leaving their school,
schoolmates or teammates for long periods (say three weeks at a time), then I
will be visiting family in the home country alone when they get older.

The thought saddens me. I will have to teach my children to keep up their
studies by themselves, or to be satisfied as they are without being concerned
about what people around them think, if I want to spend our "holidays" as a
family. I believe it will be difficult.

How do other families handle this issue, particularly those who send their
children to Japanese public school?

> And what does this thread have to do with elitist racists? I have to say
> this has to be one of the most overused terms on the internet... it is one
> of those terms that is easy to throw out, hard to prove or disprove (which
> is precisely why it is so commonly used) and probably gives the person
> making the claim some sort of satisfaction that comes with unearned victim
> status. But I imagine you were just being sardonic.