Michael Cash wrote:

> On Sat, 22 Nov 2003 09:53:18 -0800, Dan Rempel <hurty@flurty> belched
> the alphabet and kept on going with:
> >>
> >> I've been pondering your post all day... It's just so close to a theory
> >> I postulated some time ago, I wonder if you've hit on the same thing I
> >> did.
> >>
> >> My speculation was that everyone is issued a certain amount of
> >> *something* (which I thought of as *politeness* but your *kindness*
> >> seems to fit just as well), and it's up to the individual to use that
> >> *something* has s/he sees fit (different individuals will, of course, be
> >> issued different amounts of this *something*).
> >>
> >> In which case, it does make sense to avoid wasting this *something* on
> >> complete strangers--far better to invest it in situations that reap the
> >> best advantage from the individual's point of view....
> >>
> >> Or have I drunk too much wine?
> >
> >You may have; I don't know (I certainly did last night). However, your
> >idea of saving your quantity of *something" for situations that are to
> >one's advantage matches what I've read about Japanese society (can't
> >come up with a reference at the moment), and what I've been told by
> >Japanese people themselves: no point in starting something with someone
> >you don't know. You may end up with an unwanted obligation, and, in any
> >case, the person is soto, and your uchi is enough trouble already.
>
> You have pointed out precisely why the students at the rural community
> center I mentioned were so extraordinarily reluctant to introduce
> themselves to each other.

And they're idiots. My mother lived in a place and belonged to a generation
where people believed in community and kindness to strangers, in addition to
having a Japanese born before 1900 for a father. Even in a place full of
strangers such as wandering around Japan where she doesn't speak the language,
seeing a family with a child on the street, or sitting in a busy restaurant,
she'll try striking up conversation with anybody. Sometimes I wish she were not
that way, but it's how she became a community figure back home. And it is not
her intention, but that is how there are so many people available to help her if
she needs it.