Thanks for your understanding my double personality and the social
problems which derive from the conflict the two of us have on a
regular basis. However, it is not my fault. The reason I escaped to
Japan is that George Bush, who is a historical monster, has cunningly
and personally added arsenic and mercury to my drinking water,
destroying the purity of us good Americans' body fluids. That has
affected my brains in unprecedented ways. There is definitely no truth
to the rumor according to which I would have been insane during the
Lyndon B Johnson administration, too. Screw you Bush supporters. And
the Japanese emperor. Led by Michael Moore, let's install the
Universal Republic. I want to become Japan's first President. Peace and
love to all mankind. Let's have some sushi.

your friend,
Shannon