> A Buddhist priest was found dead, a porno magazine in his left hand,
> his pecker in his right hand, and with "DNA" splattered all over
> himself.
>

How much "DNA" are we talking about?

> The medical examiner ruled the death a suicide.
>

This reminds me of an episode of "The Man Show" where they
were advertising "Manly" ways to die when you got too old.

The company could set you up with:

    Skydiving accident
    Alligator wrestling mishap
    Hunting accident
    or
    Whorehouse heart-attack