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Peanuts 

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders
a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied
by a bowl of peanuts. 

To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut
bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said. "You
really look fantastic... And that aftershave
is just wonderful!" 

The man is obviously a little confused, but
tries to ignore it. 

Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders
over to the cigarette machine. After inserting
his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"You BASTARD... Oh my god you STINK... Do you
know, you're almost as ugly as your mother."

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He
turns to the bartender for an explanation. 

"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The
peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette
machine is out of order."