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Surrogate Father 

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the
day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to
explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?"
the photographer asked. "Well, good!? I've made a specialty
of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing,
"Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually
try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun
too; you can really spread out!" 

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee
a good one every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results." 

"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam,
in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love
to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure." 

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly. 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the
top of a bus in downtown London." 

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with." 

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. 

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde
Park to get the job done right.? People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." 

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
in amazement. 

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling
- I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached
and I began to rush my shots.? Finally, when the squirrels
began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed
on your, um... equipment?" 

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set
up my tripod so that we can get to work." 

"Tripod??" 

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....
Good Lord, she's fainted!"