> Im the dumbest dumbshit that ever lived.  And insane too.  not to
> mention broke

you should save money by not going online for a while, and if you're getting 
that for free, save time by not going online for a while.
and maybe you should recognize your defeat and consider the refinement and 
glory of ceremonial suicide. You're supposed to be in japan, after all, and 
apparently you want to fight for a living, very bushi like attitude.
If I was you I'd write a last usenet haiku and off you go Outland...