Path: ccsf.homeunix.org!ccsf.homeunix.org!news1.wakwak.com!nf1.xephion.ne.jp!onion.ish.org!news.daionet.gr.jp!news.yamada.gr.jp!newsfeed.media.kyoto-u.ac.jp!newshosting.com!news-xfer2.atl.newshosting.com!news-feed01.roc.ny.frontiernet.net!nntp.frontiernet.net!uunet.MISMATCH!ash.uu.net!newssorter-3001.bay.webtv.net!newssorter-2001.public.lawson.webtv.net!not-for-mail
From: MemberOfHeart@webtv.net (Member Of Heart .)
Newsgroups: fj.jokes
Subject: Bulletin Bloopers
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 22:35:25 -0500 (EST)
Organization: WebTV Subscriber
Lines: 207
Message-ID: <21326-3FA329FD-120@storefull-2194.public.lawson.webtv.net>
NNTP-Posting-Host: localhost.webtv.net
Mime-Version: 1.0 (WebTV)
Content-Type: Multipart/Mixed; Boundary=WebTV-Mail-18526-1884
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7Bit
X-WebTV-Signature: 1
ETAsAhQpGjuwqrF4QKKihnd4fHQsjrHUbgIUSl4DIZOzqlIQp+kT4903sIAzW7A=
Content-Disposition: Inline
X-WebTV-Stationery: Standard; BGColor=#000000; TextColor=GOLD
Xref: ccsf.homeunix.org fj.jokes:2461
--WebTV-Mail-18526-1884
Content-Type: Text/Plain; Charset=US-ASCII
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7Bit
--WebTV-Mail-18526-1884
Content-Description: signature
Content-Disposition: Inline
Content-Type: Text/HTML; Charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: Quoted-Printable
<HTML>
<body background=3D "" bgcolor=3D"#000000" text=3D"GOLD">
<bgsound
src=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/worship-midi/firsttime.m=
id"
autostart=3D"true" loop=3D"1">
<p>Bulletin Bloopers
<p>These are ACTUAL announcements from church bulletins:
<p>1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
<p>2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.
<p>3. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
<p>4. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin
of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
<p>5. Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in
his private study.
<p>6. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.
<p>7. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
<p>8. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
<p>9. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
<p>10. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
<p>11. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on
people who are not afflicted with any church.
<p>12. The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship Hall after the B.S. is
done.
<p>13. Evening Massage=976 p.m.
<p>14. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday morning.
<p>15. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the
recession.
<p>16. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30
p.m. Please use the back door.
<p>17. Ushers will eat latecomers.
<p>18. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment.
<p>19. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
<p>20. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
audience.
<p>21. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the
choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
<p>22. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege
of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
<p>23. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.
The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
<p>24. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued until further notice.
<p>25. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
<p>26. The music for today's service was all composed by George
Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
<p>27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
<p>28. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special
thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening
at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
<p>29. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of
Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin
sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."
<p>
30. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
<p>
31. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full
choir.
<p>32. Hymn 43: "Great God, What Do I See Here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an Awful Voice is Sounding"
<p>33. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better.
<p>
34. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow. <p>
35. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
<p>36. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
<p>37. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
<p>38. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the girth of their first child.
<Br><Br><BR>
<a
href=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GoodNite/GoodNite.html"=
>http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GoodNite/GoodNite.html</a>
<Br><br><A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/8.html">http:=
//www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/8.html</a><br><A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/9.html">http:=
//www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/9.html</a><br><A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/10.html">http=
://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/10.html</a><br><A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/42.html">http=
://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/42.html</a><br><A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/44.html">http=
://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/GodCantBe/44.html</a><Br><A
HREF=3D"news:alt.discuss.clubs.public.religion.christian.memberofheart">ne=
ws:alt.discuss.clubs.public.religion.christian.memberofheart</a>
<p>Your Friend In Christ...
<br>PS: =9E=83eel =83ree to pass card`s or =DFible text around
<br>Would you like to be on my list? It`s all about Jesus.
<br>Feel free to ask me anything
<center>
<img
src=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/JESUSBLACKnWHITEiloveyou=
jpeg">
<br>
<BR><a href=3D"http://community.webtv.net/MemberOfHeart/Vincent">About Me
:</a>
<br>
<clock>
<table bgcolor=3D"#000000" border=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"5=
">
<tr><td bgcolor=3D"#000000"align=3D"center">
<font size=3D"1" color=3D"#26ff26">
<b>Instant Messenger</B>
</font>
</td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor=3D"#000000" align=3D"center">
<form method=3D"post"
action=3D"mailto:MemberOfHeart@webtv.net?no_signature=3Dtrue">
<input type=3D"text" name=3D"comment" size=3D"20"
bgcolor=3D"#26ff26" text=3D"#181818" cursor=3D"#ffffff">
<font size=3D"1" color=3D"#000000">
<input type=3D"submit" usestyle
borderimage=3D"file://rom/borders/buttonborder4.bif" value=3D"Send">
<input type=3D"reset" usestyle
borderimage=3D"file://rom/borders/buttonborder4.bif" value=3D"Reset">
</FONT></FORM>
</td></tr></table>
<p>
</center>
<A HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/index.html">{Main
Index}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/allforyoumylord/index.h=
tml">{Index
2}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/allforyoumyking/index.h=
tml">{Index
3}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/SWF/index.html">{Index
4}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/jesuslovesyou/index.htm=
l">{Index
5}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/allforyou/index.html">{=
Index
6}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/FUN/index.html">{Index
7}</a>
<a
href=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/allforyou/FriendsForLif=
e.html">{Send
A Friend`s For Life Rose}</a>
<a
href=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/allforyoumylord/FRIENDH=
EART.html">{Send
A FriendShip Heart}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/KIDS/colorscopysforkids=
html">{For
Kid`s Copy & Color}
</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/C-games/index.html">{We=
bTv
Game Room}</a>
<A
HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart/CODEs/WebTvTools.html">=
{WebTv
Tool`s}</a>
<A HREF=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/in4/calvaryworship/index.html">{Sheet
Music}</a>
<center><img
src=3D"http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/memberofheart//VINCENTDRUM.jpg"></cent=
er>
</BODY></html>
--WebTV-Mail-18526-1884--