Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was
sleek,shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which
was as warmas seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her
eyes flashing likebright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of
fresh rain on the hood;she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single
accelerant -- and she needed aman, a man who wouldn't shift from his
views, a man to steer her along theright road: a man like Alf Romeo.
            -- Rachel Sheeley, winnerThe hair ball blocking the drain
of the shower reminded Laura she would neversee her little dog Pritzi
again.                -- Claudia Fields, runner-upIt could have been an
organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps atumor or a
metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam itwas
determined that Byron was simply a jerk.                -- Jeff Jahnke,
runner-upWinners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest.
The contest isnamed after the author of the immortal lines:  "It was a
dark and stormynight."  The object of the contest is to write the
opening sentence of theworst possible novel.